i just had sex bonerless
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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