Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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