i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
