I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
