there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
