distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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