White coat. Heels.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
