Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
