I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
