watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
