He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
