I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
