Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
