would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
