The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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