I just made out with a guy for $7.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
