Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
