I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
