It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
