the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
