dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
