I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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