just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
