i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
