I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
