It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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