Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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