Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
