Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
