Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
