I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
