No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
