i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
