I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
