she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
