its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
