1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
