Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
