What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
