im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
