I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
