what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
