Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
