I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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