I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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