FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The uberlube is also flammable
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
