she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she pinky promised me she was 18
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
