Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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