I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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