Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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