Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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