i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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