well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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