He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
